my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
