i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
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