where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
Anderson Cooper just came out.
Crying tears of glitter and rainbows right now. Gonna decorate my dildo like My Little Pony in his honor.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
