speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
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