My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Kegger tonight. 10pm. $5 coverfor unlimited booze. Proceeds benefit nuns from Uganda. Bring friends. No shit.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
