tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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