Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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