somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Randomize
