where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
Randomize
