I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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