you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
