Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize