i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
No subtext here. People are naked.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
