im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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