ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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