woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
