Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just saw out breathalyzer tubes from last night on the side of the road. Glad the cop let us know that they are biodegradable
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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