The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
