I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
