my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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