I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Randomize