So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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