Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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