I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
