Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
Randomize
