oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
