sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
