I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
