Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
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