I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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