(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
