When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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