it hurts more in the daytime
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
