The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Two words: nipple clamps
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