I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
