After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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