I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Randomize
