My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
