Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
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