Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
