he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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