hell yes lets make some ravioli
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
