I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
