I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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