i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
