I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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