I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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