I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I think I won the penis lottery.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
