The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Randomize
