Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I cannot convey how much I really do love Chris Hansen. FYI: he is the JC Chasez of my adult years.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
