I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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