He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
