I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
