Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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