If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
