Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
