There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
