ya dads aren't the best wingmen
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Randomize
