She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
tell your sister to shave her snatch
Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
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