Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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