Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
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