My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
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