I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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