So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
koolaid chicken. i marinated it for 2 hours and roasted it on a rock in a fire. it was bright blue and raw. but that shit was tasty
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
