Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
