But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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