I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
