I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Randomize
