all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
And then he peed in my hair
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