ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Randomize
