capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
Someone came in the potted fern
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
