Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
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